“Behind every successful man is a woman.” How many times have you heard that quote? It probably triggers something in you. Anger? Frustration? Sadness?
A few decades ago, women would have smiled sweetly beside their partner when they quipped, “I don’t think I could have done it without Hannah.” Because you’re their support. They’re rock. Their safe harbor.
What it should read is, “Behind every successful man is a strong woman who fought hard to get him there.”
But we’re not allowed to show the exhaustion on our faces. There’s a concealer for that. Or the frown lines caused by crying. Also, concealer. No, women are strong and fierce. We don’t complain. We don’t get too emotional. We’ll mess up our make-up. Concealer, remember?
If we do, we get dismissed for being irrational, sensitive, or unhinged. Our experiences need validation. Instead, we’re gaslit into thinking, “It’s not you, it’s me.” You’re not imagining yourself. However, you can take back your power.
Medical Gaslighting
Women’s health research remains a moot point in the medical fraternity. UN Women reports that women are more likely to be misdiagnosed or diagnosed too late. The reason is that their pain or symptoms are dismissed.
Case in point is the transvaginal mesh lawsuits. The implant devices are used to treat pelvic organ prolapse (POP) and stress urinary incontinence (SUI). Unfortunately, complications arose. Women started complaining about severe pain and pelvic organ prolapse mesh complications.
Their defective medical device claims were initially ignored. It was only following a surge of complaints that the FDA issued a warning, and the subsequent lawsuits were filed.
The transvaginal mesh settlement amounts average between $150,000 to over $400,000. While most cases have been resolved, the fight is far from over.
TorHoerman Law explains that most transvaginal mesh lawyers are still accepting clients. You may not find yourself in such an extreme position, but medical gaslighting is not rare. Women experience it every day.
In 2024, the Australian government launched a probe to tackle “medical misogyny.” The report found that two-thirds of females had encountered gender bias or discrimination in healthcare.
How to Tackle It
Frontiers in Health Service published a paper on addressing medical gaslighting in November last year.
The findings suggest that rebuilding doctor-patient trust starts with changing clinical behavior. While you’re not responsible for how your physician responds to you, it’s important to feel safe.
A simple acknowledgment of your pain or distress can validate your experience and defuse the sense of being unheard. If you feel your concerns aren’t being heard and you are disregarded, change your doctor.
Seek a second or third opinion, even if it means finding specialized care that centers on your specific condition or specializes in women’s health.
Workplace Gaslighting and Self-Doubt
Toxic workplaces aren’t new. Most people have experienced it. When combined with gaslighting, it can become unbearable for women.
You start second-guessing every decision. Question the value you bring. Suffer from imposter syndrome.
Forbes reports that most gaslighters exploit communication gaps and weaponize them as a means of incompetence. When it’s a manager doing the damage, the stakes are higher. They use manipulation and misinformation as the powder keg.
Tone Policing
How does it make you feel when someone asks, “Why are you so angry?” or says, “OK, calm down.”
You’re made to feel like you’ve overreacted to a situation or that you were overly sensitive. PureWow writer Dara Katz calls it tone policing. It’s a subtle yet powerful way institutions maintain control while appearing progressive, writes Katz.
A mental health expert tells her that tone policing focuses on how you express yourself rather than what you’re actually saying. Sound familiar? That’s because you’ve probably been on the receiving end.
A prime example is sharing your concerns about workplace discrimination, only to be met with a dressing down on “sounding angry” or questioning your professionalism.
How to Avoid Being Undermined
Psychology Today has some strategies to cope with this cunning form of workplace bullying.
- Keep a paper trail of everything: Detail and record every interaction
- Trust your instincts: Acknowledge when something feels off
- Confide in a trusted colleague: Having an objective perspective can validate your fears
- Set boundaries: Assert the need for clear communication and respect
- Explore your legal options: If all else fails, get HR involved or consider taking legal action
RELATED: How to Avoid Distractions in the Workplace (& Home Office)
No, You’re Not Being Rude
So many times, we’ve been told that raising objections is impolite. It’s not. We can use our voices without making ourselves small.
Whether in your relationship, workplace, or the doctor’s office, assertiveness is the first step towards validation. If you don’t feel heard, shout until you are. Join civil organizations or activist groups to amplify your voice.
And the next time you’re told to hush up or stop being dramatic, speak your truth. No amount of concealer can hide that.
