The Secret to Creating Conscious Love

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The success of a relationship depends on many factors, both personal and interpersonal. Our cognitive biases, self-sabotaging beliefs, and learned behavioral patterns all strongly influence the success of our relationships.

To have a happy, thriving relationship, you must nurture it by establishing mutual understanding, trust, love, and support. Couples who love consciously share similar relationship goals, support each other’s development, and work together to overcome obstacles.

Does this sound like conscious love? And how do you go about finding conscious love? What does it mean to be in a conscious relationship?

What is Conscious Love?

Conscious relationships are those in which both partners are committed to growth, both individually and as a couple. Unfortunately, most people enter relationships to meet their own needs, whether they are seeking love, belonging, acceptance, or safety.

However, sometimes the other person fails to meet these needs, either because they are unable to do so or because we fail to communicate them clearly. Or because their needs differ from ours.

These feelings can build up, causing the relationship to break down.

When two people connect intending to grow their relationship and become better people, their relationship develops into something more than just personal satisfaction. This helps to build long-term fulfillment and happiness.

Qualities of a Conscious Relationship

Conscious love means being clear about your expectations from a relationship and being deeply committed to the relationship and your personal growth. Conscious love entails feeling seen, heard, and understood by your partner. You don’t fear opening up and being vulnerable to each other. You don’t have to conceal your feelings or hold back the truth to protect your partner or your relationship.

Also, conscious love means feeling empowered and free in your partnership. You resolve conflicts peacefully and feel connected through small intimacy rituals.

Both partners in conscious relationships are free to be themselves while also making an effort to get to know and understand each other on a deeper level.

The Secret to Creating Conscious Love

A conscious relationship is one that is fueled by positive energy. If you and your partner are genuinely committed to personal and couple growth, you are on the right track.

Growth is Always a Goal

Keep in mind that growth should always come first in a conscious relationship. Unfortunately, we often expect each other to behave in a certain way. This can lead to suppressing our needs, desires, and feelings to please each other, which is a sure path to unhappiness and dissatisfaction.

The need for self-actualization – to grow emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually – is an essential human motive. Couples who love consciously value individual growth while committing to total union with each other.

So, when you deeply connect with the intention of growth, your relationship thrives, and you and your partner both thrive as individuals.

Personal growth entails self-awareness and a lot of inner work, though. It involves being aware of your flaws and learning from them. Regular inner work is necessary to increase safety in your relationship as it allows you to identify negative patterns and the effects they can have on you, learn about your emotional triggers, and help you better deal with negative emotions.

Both Parties Own Their Actions

Conscious love means personal accountability. In order for the relationship to grow, you must take full responsibility for your thoughts and actions.

So, instead of expending energy on withdrawing, becoming reactive, or playing endless blame games, take a moment to reflect on the situation and accept responsibility for what has happened.

Accept that bad things happen. Then, when conflicts or negative feelings emerge, recognize your share of the responsibility for them.

Conscious couples don’t shy away from examining their past and present issues because they know this is the only way to change dysfunctional patterns in their relationship.

A climate of personal accountability in the relationship will help you resolve conflicts quickly and efficiently and form a stronger bond with each other.

The emphasis is Always on Open Communication

Be honest. One of the first rules of successful relationships is to be open and honest with one another. The loss of trust is one of the most common reasons for a relationship’s failure. Not discussing your thoughts and feelings with your partner can create insecurity, confusion, unrealistic expectations, and, eventually, disappointment.

Communicate positively. Reflective listening (reflecting on your partner’s words) and “I” messages (focusing on your feelings rather than on the traits you think your partner has) are two good ways to communicate with your partner.

Don’t avoid vulnerability. Vulnerability is the key to healthy and happy relationships. Unfortunately, most people avoid it because they associate vulnerability with weakness or insufficiency. However, being vulnerable does not equate to weakness or helplessness.

To have a conscious relationship, you must be willing to open up and truly expose yourself to your partner. Vulnerability goes hand in hand with conscious love because it allows you to communicate your feelings and needs more honestly, be yourself, and accept your partner for who they truly are.

Show empathy. When you focus solely on your partner’s behaviors, you cannot truly understand and connect with them. Empathy allows you to tune into your partner’s feelings and understand the emotional state hiding behind their reactivity, anger, withdrawal, and other unproductive behaviors.

Mistakes ARE OK

Conscious love recognizes common humanity, understanding that we are human beings with imperfections and flaws. Conscious love involves knowledge that we see things differently, have different sensitivities and perspectives, make mistakes, and harm each other. 

Turn your mistakes into opportunities for learning and growth. Finally, acknowledge that both of you are doing the best you can because conscious love entails forgiveness and acceptance.

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