How to Lead with Your Heart Instead of Your Hurt
Most of us grew up learning how to bottle up our issues and behave as if everything was OK, even when things were far from perfect. We learn to conceal our sadness and shame with wrath because being angry feels better than being sad or humiliated.
However, a lack of self-awareness and emotional control can cause us to act from our hurt instead from our hearts. Leading from hurt rather than leading from your heart means that you take your anger out on others instead of addressing the real cause of your hurt.
You hold on to your anger, resentment, and hurt, but you inflict pain on others because you are unaware of your real triggers. As a result, leading from hurt becomes a habit, causing tension and distrust in your relationships.
We often suppress negative, disturbing emotions such as grief, loneliness, humiliation, or worthlessness to cope with intense distress. However, to lead with your heart, you must acknowledge, name, and manage all of your emotions, embracing forgiveness and self-forgiveness.
Good self-management means that you can successfully regulate your emotions, manage problems effectively, and develop good relationships.
To lead from your heart, you must also learn not to avoid making mistakes but to see them as chances to learn.
Hanging On to Pain Can Shape Our Actions
Forgiveness is linked to good mental health and well-being. By deciding to forgive the person who mistreated you, you are choosing not to hang on to the pain.
When we cling to our pain, we struggle to forgive and move on, feeling driven by our hurt. And when we are experiencing emotional pain that is not being handled directly, it can manifest as anger, causing us to lead from hurt and lashing out at our partners, children, friends, and coworkers.
On the other hand, anger never fixes the problems that caused it in the first place, nor does it remove our hurt and distress.
Nevertheless, even distracted by rage, we still feel sad, humiliated, or wounded. When we decide to accept how we feel and just let go, resentment and anger go away on their own.
By consciously choosing to forgive, we let go of resentment, blame, and shame, making peace with the past and releasing ourselves and others from debt.
So, self-forgiveness and forgiveness can help you learn how to lead with your heart, ease anxiety, reduce the risk of depression, and improve your relationships.
How to Lead with Your Heart Instead of Your Hurt
According to Brené Brown, a well-known researcher on shame, vulnerability, and leadership, many people lead from a place of hurt and lack. These leaders use their power to make up for feelings of worthlessness, but they never deal with the real cause of their pain.
Great leaders, on the other hand, lead by embracing their vulnerability. Brown says that the four pillars of courageous leadership are being vulnerable, trusting other people, being clear about your values, and getting better at what you do.
In other words, to lead with your heart instead of your hurt, you need to be willing to be vulnerable. Even if it means you may make mistakes or get hurt.
1) Believing in the Overall Goodness in People
Trust is the cornerstone of every healthy, conscious relationship. Believing in people’s overall goodness means acknowledging common humanity and accepting that we are imperfect and flawed.
It is about an understanding that everyone fails and makes mistakes and that holding onto resentment and pain does nothing but cause you to lead from hurt, straining potentially valuable relationships.
2) Courage Is Knowing It Might Hurt Later On
An expert on human behavior and the founder of Long Distance Love Bombs, Jeremy Goldberg, says, “Courage is knowing it might hurt and doing it anyway. Stupidity is the same. That’s why life is hard.”
But knowing it might hurt later on and still stepping out of your comfort zone and taking risks is a sign of courage that allows you to lead with your heart.
Taking on challenges in life is a crucial aspect of personal development and growth. Growth-oriented people are not afraid to make mistakes and fail. However, avoiding risks might keep you from embracing opportunities and accomplishing your goals.
So instead, push yourself out of your comfort zone and take risks. Focus on improving what you can change because developing yourself can help you lead with your heart and be happier.
3) Trusting Your Intuition
We usually listen to both our head and our heart while making decisions. While intelligence and logic are about being reasonable, intuition is about being creative and acting from the heart. Following your intuition may be a great way to explore your inner power and learn about yourself.
Also, tapping into your intuition to guide you is one of the best ways to lead with your heart. Intuition can motivate you to think outside the box and come up with new creative ideas. Learning to follow your gut can increase self-awareness, teaching you to look inside for answers to your problems rather than search for them outside.
By cultivating intuition, you will be able to silence your inner critic, opening the way for creativity.
4) Embrace Change as You Grow
Brené Brown sees vulnerability as the cornerstone of invention, creativity, and change. She believes that humans cannot develop and grow without taking risks.
According to Brown, vulnerability is not a sign of weakness. On the contrary, vulnerability takes courage to work on your hurt and expose yourself to another human being. It allows you to take risks and learn from mistakes, promoting self-compassion and self-love.
So, embrace your vulnerability as you grow and be open to new changes and lessons that may arise. Enjoy the learning process and allow yourself to lead with your heart.
5) Get Support
Making shifts and changes is not always easy. Sometimes having support to help you see where the narrative ought to be changed for your own growth and well-being is needed. If you would like to see how coaching could help you move forward book a time to speak at www.chatwithkamini.com