“I am unlovable” (False Identity Series: I)
Your subconscious mind will most likely create thoughts about how unlovable you are if you feel unloved by your parents, your partner, or any other significant person in your life. You will start thinking about how you are not intelligent, attractive, appealing, capable, popular, accomplished enough, and so on.
Doubting that you are lovable can take a toll on your life and bring down other aspects of it, too, from your relationships to your health.
But where does this “I am unlovable” script come from? Your childhood, most likely.
The Effects of your Family Dynamic
If you grew up in a dysfunctional family, you may struggle with:
- trust issues
And in addition, you may have trouble expressing your feelings and needs in a relationship.
Your pattern of relating to others was shaped by the way your parents related to you. And if you’re coming from an unhealthy family, some attachment styles may have been instilled in you.
If you always tried to be kind and well-behaved to keep your parents from being angry, you may have grown up into a people-pleaser who tends to feel anxious and worried about other people’s feelings. You continuously monitor your partner’s mood and to please them to feel loved.
If your parents used to connect in sporadic and unpredictable ways, giving you just enough connection to make you desire more, you might have become hypersensitive to signs of attention and rejection.
As adults, you are not much different from the child who didn’t get enough love and attention from his parents. To justify the parents’ behavior, the child explains the unloving behavior by making himself inadequate and unlovable. This kind of mindset can settle in for life.
The shift in mindset from believing that you are unlovable to accepting that you are lovable can make a considerable change in your health, relationships, and life satisfaction.
How to Shift Your Mindset from “I am unlovable” to “I am lovable”
Acknowledge the Negative Mindset
Keep reminding yourself that when you are feeling unlovable, it is not because you’ve done anything wrong, it’s because negative thoughts that flood your mind. Don’t let your mind trick you into believing that you’re unlovable. Feed it positive and loving self-thoughts instead.
Work on Your Self-Esteem
The feeling of being unlovable closely intertwines with low self-esteem. People who struggle with low self-esteem tend to see themselves as unworthy or unlovable. If you have low self-esteem, you will most likely struggle with self-critical thoughts of failure that can take a toll on your emotions, life choices, and behavior, further weakening their self-esteem. In turn, low self-esteem usually triggers feelings of anxiety, depression, isolation, and other mental health challenges.
Some of the most effective strategies for boosting self-esteem involve mindfulness meditation, affirmations, visualization (mental imagery), and recognizing and challenging negative thoughts. Integrating these practices into your daily life can help improve your self-esteem and shift a negative mindset about being unlovable into a positive one.
Through coaching, we can identify these stories, and create a shift. But you need a coach who is versed in making these ontological changes. If you are ready to make those shifts, book a time to speak about what’s possible for you www.chatwithkamini.com