7 Traits Narcissists Look for in Their Victims

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Narcissists are good at targeting people. There are specific traits narcissists look for in their victims.

Understanding Narcissism

Being involved with a narcissist may be one of the most challenging experiences in your life. A narcissist will use their victim a narcissistic supply, dragging them into a toxic cycle of abuse to finally discard them with no remorse, empathy, or compassion. 

People with narcissistic traits or personality disorders tend to put their needs first in a relationship, often showing manipulative, demeaning, and controlling behavior. 

A narcissist has an inflated ego and exaggerated feelings of own importance and self-worth, believing that they are superior, always blaming others for their mistakes or failures.  

They will use their victims as a narcissistic supply to gain control in a relationship and satisfy their exaggerated need for admiration and attention.

Outwardly, a narcissist typically seems charming and charismatic. At the beginning of your relationship with a narcissist, you may feel like the most loved or the most important person in the world. Soon enough, however, being emotionally involved with a narcissist can become nerve-wracking and exhausting.  

7 Traits Narcissists Look for in Their Victims

To gain control in relationships, narcissists search for partners with specific traits. A narcissist typically looks out for a partner who can quickly become their narcissistic supply – someone to constantly beef up their ego. 

Here are 7 traits narcissists look for in their victims.

1. They are Forgiving 

A narcissist will target a victim who will forgive them over and over for being hurtful. Typically, people who stay in relationships with narcissists are kind and forgiving. They tend to overlook the bad, seeing mainly the good in other people. So, they will always find excuses for a narcissist’s abusive behavior. 

2. They Suffer from Unhealed Trauma

Narcissists typically target potential intimate partners with hurtful past experiences. When they discover a victim’s need, a narcissist will play the grand provider for it. For example, if you tell a narcissist that you lacked parents’ support while growing up, they will present themselves as highly supportive.

3. They are Highly Empathetic

To ensure a constant supply of praise, attention, and admiration, a narcissist typically searches for a partner who has a great deal of empathy (even though narcissists themselves lack empathy). 

The victim’s kindness and compassion make them willing to take the narcissist’s perspective even when the very same narcissist is busing them. 

After an abusive episode, a narcissist will play the victim, self-pitying and provoking empathy and compassion in a real victim. This allows a narcissist to escape accountability for their actions while enabling them to feel in control and gain power in a relationship.

4. They are Loyal 

A narcissist will require absolute loyalty and devotion. However, there is no reciprocity in a relationship with a narcissist. So, this loyalty is only one way – while they demand a commitment of their partners, narcissists typically betray the ties themselves, showing no remorse, guilt, or shame.

A narcissist will never have your best interest in mind. Instead, they will play on your loyalty card to isolate you from other people (including your family), blame you for their mistakes, and make you constantly feel guilty, lonely, and isolated. 

5. They Have Low Self-Esteem

Narcissists often look for victims who struggle with insecurity and low self-esteem. People who think less of themselves and struggle with the “I am not enough” mindset tend to attract toxic partners. 

People with self-esteem issues tend to think of themselves as imperfect or unlovable. They are usually overwhelmed by distorted thoughts and negative beliefs about own self-worth. Self-criticism can cause immense emotional distress, triggering feelings of anxiety, depression, and isolation and affecting the person’s behavior and life choices.

So, the narcissist will pick out a victim who has a problem loving themselves and who will idealize them, feeling dependent on their opinion and validation for a sense of own worth. 

6. They are Overly Accommodating

Narcissists typically choose overly accommodating and self-sacrificing partners. They seek people pleasers who mold themselves to the expectations and needs of others, always agreeing with everything the narcissist says and making sure the narcissist is taken care of. 

Since narcissists are inflexible and always want to be in control, it benefits them to have highly flexible and accommodating partners, willing not to get their way, ever.

7. They Take Responsibility for Everything 

This is one of the main traits narcissists look for in their victims. If you are overly responsible and anxious about meeting other people’s needs, this may make you a narcissist’s perfect target. 

Narcissists never take accountability for their words and actions. So, they need someone always to take responsibility for them and pick up the pieces after them.

A narcissistic abuse victim typically ignores their own needs while feeling utterly responsible for the narcissist’s. 

How to Detach Yourself from a Narcissist

Acknowledge the Abuse

The first step in cutting ties with a narcissist is recognizing their behavior as abuse. 

Once you understand the traits narcissists look for, you will be able to see toxic trends in your relationship. Then, acknowledging abuse will allow you to set free and detach yourself from narcists. 

Practice Self-Care

There is no reciprocity in toxic relationships. Narcissists don’t care about their victims’ needs and feelings, and everything is always about them. So, you need to take care of yourself by practicing self-care strategies such as mindfulness, positive affirmations, exercise, and positive social interactions. 

Keep in mind that setting boundaries is one of the best ways to detach from a narcissist.

Seek Professional Support 

A toxic relationship with the narcissist may last for years. If you find it difficult to cope with your emotions, seek support. Working through your feelings, regaining a sense of self-worth, and developing strategies to move on after ending a toxic relationship with a narcissist is vital to moving forward.

SEE MORE: 5 Signs Someone Might Be a Spiritual Narcissist

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